


You Can’t Protect Yourself From Your Own Feelings By Hurting The One You Love

by lovemylarry



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: College, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Love/Hate, M/M, Older Louis, POV Louis, Smut, Younger Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 15:04:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9553850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemylarry/pseuds/lovemylarry
Summary: Harry and Louis live in the same city but they don’t know each other yet. They meet for the first time when they are thrown together to car pool to Brighton. A few years later they run into each other again. Louis pretends that he doesn't care about Harry although he slowly realizes how much Harry means to him . . .Harry, 20 – Louis, 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Larryhasmyheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larryhasmyheart/gifts).



> Dear readers,
> 
> I wrote this for larryhasmyheart. We met each other on tumblr because we participated in two seperate fic exchanges but didn't get a fic back. I was very sad about this and she felt the same so we decided to write fics to each other as a gift. It was fun working on this piece and I'd love to do something again. 
> 
> Please don't translate or publish my work without my permission. Thank you.

“Hey man!” Louis shouts and takes a deep drag of his cigarette before he flips it onto the concrete, blowing out the smoke quickly. “Matt!” he shouts again and starts walking faster toward the young man who is standing a few meters away from him. The guy turns around. “What are you doing here?” Louis smiles and greets him.

“Hey Louis!” Matt answers surprised. “We haven’t seen each other for so long, how are you?”

“I’m pretty good. Got a new job at Cubes over there,” Louis tells Matt and points toward the skate store that’s one of the most popular ones in London. “It’s pretty cool there and my colleagues are fun,” Louis explains.

“Wow, this is huge!” Matt replies. “Seems like your lazy days in London are finally over,” he smiles and pats Louis shoulder.

Louis lets out a small chuckle. “Yeah, seems like.”

“Do you want to come to McDonald’s with me?” Matt asks Louis. “I was on my way to grab some food anyway.”

Louis nods and pulls a small pack out of his jacket. He pulls a cigarette out and brings it to his mouth without lighting it. “Want one?” he mumbles but Matt shakes his head.

“Not today, thanks. I’m trying to quit smoking since my boyfriend doesn’t . . . ,“ Matt starts explaining but Louis interrupts him immediately, grabbing his arm out of surprise.

He takes the cigarette out of his mouth and his eyes widen. “What? I mean . . . are you serious? YOU have a boyfriend? I thought you were the nastiest womanizer on this planet!” Louis nearly yells out and shakes his head. “So you stopped smoking because of him? Are you serious?”  Matt rolls his eyes. “Oh boy!” Louis giggles and shakes his head over and over again before he finally lights his cigarette and takes a long drag. “I’d never quit smoking, for anyone, that’s for sure.”

“Harry’s worth it,” Matt replies. “If you knew him, you would at least consider that.”

“Sure Matt. You’re just lovesick, that’s all,” Louis replies amused. “Like a teenager. And what kind of name is Harry even? He’s like what, sixty?” the smaller boy lets out a mocking laugh.

Matt shrugs his shoulders. “Maybe I’m lovesick but I wanted to quit smoking anyway. Plus, Harry isn’t sixty, he’s seventeen, almost eighteen and a great guy. You would love him,” the boy responds with a smile.

“You’ve really become wet blanket man,” Louis laughs and shakes his head.

“And you’re a dochebag,” Matt fires back.

“Sure I am,” Louis grins and both guys burst out in laughter as they enter the restaurant.

*

After they have ordered their food, the guys sit down at a table to eat. “So what are your plans for the weekend? Partying, smoking and sleeping?” Matt says amused, taking a bite of his burger.

“Well,” Louis replies, “kind of. I’m actually planning to visit a friend for the weekend. What are your plans? Making a man out of Harry?” he says and chukles. “I bet that’s quite a responsible challenge, I suppose.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Matt says and shoves some fries into his mouth. “Harry is busy with his family this weekend so I’ll probably just stay at home, not sure yet.”

Louis groans. “Jesus, I’d be so bored. So you don’t go out anymore?” Louis asks, frowning.

“I do but . . . without Harry, it’s just boring.”

“You’re crazy,” Louis shakes his head. “Are you drugged?”

“You’re just being jealous,” Matt replies amused and takes a sip of his coke. “I think I already know the answer to my next question but anyway . . . do you have a boyfriend right now?”

Louis chews and shakes his head. “Not really. There’s a guy who has hopes of us getting together maybe but that’s not my plan. The problem is that I don’t want to lose him, he’s such a cutie and his blowjobs are heavenly,” Louis sighs and dips some fries into the ketchup on his tray. “Basically I’m just messing around here and there and to be honest, I don’t have time for this romantic shit,” Louis says seriously but when he looks at Matt, he bursts out into laughter.

Matt shakes his head but can’t hide a smile. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Just as you are,” Louis replies and eats two of his chicken nuggets. “So tell me Mr. Softie, how’s Harry in bed then?” Louis’ tone is provocative. “Is he worth all those hot babes you’re missing out because of him?”

Matt grins. “You wish you knew, eh?”

Louis laughs. “You’re not serious! Then he’s either a virgin or boring as fuck.”

“Fuck you,” Matt says and flips Louis off.

“I wish I could do that,” Louis grins and takes a sip of his coke. “But honestly, you should really think about partying again because this relationship doesn’t seem to be healthy for you.”

Matt shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “You haven’t changed at all.”

“I’m not surprised,” Louis laughs and shrugs. “We can also talk about more mature topics now so . . . have you found a job already? The last time we met you wanted to apply for a job but we haven’t talked to each other so . . . tell me, if you like.”

Matt lets out a short laugh. “It’s a pity that we haven’t hung out together for so long. I’ve kind of missed this,” he smiles before he tells Louis what happened during the last months.


	2. Chapter 2

Months later, Louis waits impatiently in front of his house for Daniel to pick him up. It’s a cold morning and that’s why Louis is walking up and down the pavement, frantically smoking a cigarette. He calls Daniel’s number several times but he just doesn’t pick up the phone. “Shit,” Louis mumbles and kicks a few pebbles away. What if he won’t come? Maybe using carpool wasn’t his best idea but it’s the cheapest way for him to get to Brighton since he hasn’t earned much money to by a car yet.

After a few more minutes, a small car stops in front of Louis. An older man is sitting in the front seat and a boy his age in the back.

“Hey!” Daniel says as he’s getting out of the car. “Sorry for being late.”

Louis nods, still holding the cigarette in his mouth. “I nearly froze my ass off,” he mumbles.

Daniel pats Louis back. “I’m sorry,” he says. “You can put your luggage here.” The young man opens the boot of his car and pushes a suitcase to the side. “I’ll get you a coffee later, deal?”

“Fine,” Louis agrees as he throws his bag into the boot. He quickly finishes his cigarette, then sits down on the left side in the car. “Hey!” he shortly greets the others.

“Hi, I’m Harry,” the boy on the right says and reaches out his hand but Louis ignores him.

“Gregory,” the man in the front seat says without turning around. He’s reading some car magazine and doesn’t react further as Daniel pulls out on the main street.

“Your car is as small as a shoebox!” Louis jokes while he’s trying to find a comfortable seating position.

“At least my car is doing a good job. You have to cuddle a bit in the back because it’s quite narrow,” Daniel jokes.

“You don’t say,” Louis mutters as he’s glaring at the curly haired boy next to him what should help to keep him distant. Louis doesn’t want to be physically close to Harry so he tries to sit as far away from him as possible – what turns out as quite difficult in this small car.

“You should fasten your seat belt,” Harry tells him after a while.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Louis fires back and gives Harry a disparaging look which seems to help. Harry stays silent and looks out of the window. After a while, the boy opens it a bit.

 “What the hell?! It’s winter! Do you want us to catch a cold?” Louis yells, gesticulating toward the boy. “Close that fucking window!”

“The air is so thick in here, plus you smell a lot like cigarettes!” Harry replies.

“Jesus! Stop bitching around, Harry! How do you want me to smell? Like fucking flowers?” Louis lets out a loud, annoyed sigh.

“But it smells bad in here,” Harry whines.

Louis lets out a huff. “Fine, have it your way,” he snaps and leans his head against the car window.

“Why are you so grumpy?” Harry asks.

 Jesus. Harry’s voice is way too deep and raspy for his age. If he wasn’t so annoying, Louis would consider fucking him. “I’ve learned that you should always be nice to people.”

“And I’ve learned that sometimes people should just shut up,” Louis mocks Harry. “And I’m not grumpy.”

“Sure you are,” Harry replies.

“No, I’m not,” Louis insists. “You know shit about me!”

“You haven’t said one nice word since you’ve sat down in here,” the curly haired boy complains.

“You’re such a baby! You’re terrible!” Louis yells and rolls his eyes. “I introduced myself, okay? That’s enough for me being nice to strangers. And in case if you haven’t realized yet – it’s carpool here, not a school trip where we’re supposed to make new friends.”

“I love talking to people in general but you are very rude,” Harry snaps as he crosses his arms.

“And you are annoying. Who the fuck are you? A spoiled brat who gets everything sponsored by his parents? Jesus!” Louis throws his arms in the air. “Seriously, you need to get laid!”

Harry looks at Louis, clearly shocked by his harsh words, his eyes wide. “What? You’re so disrespectful, Louis! I’m not spoiled. I’m just a friendly guy – in contrary to your person.”

“Nobody asked you to talk to me all the time.”

“Nobody asked you to be a jerk.”

The man in the front seat suddenly turns around. “Could you two idiots just shut up for a moment? I can’t take this anymore, seriously!”

“See?” Louis whispers toward Harry, “stop talking shit and shut up.”

Harry rolls his eyes and leans against the car window. After a while, Louis pulls out his headphones, plugs them into his phone and presses play. It doesn’t take long until he feels someone poking him. As he opens his eyes, Harry’s face is way too close what makes Louis jump so that he bumps his head at the ceiling. He pulls out his headphones forcefully.

“Jesus fucking Christ! Are you insane? Don’t you dare touching me!” Louis yells enraged.

Harry looks at him, clearly in schock. “I . . . I just wanted to ask you if you could turn down your music a little bit, it’s so loud,” he says timidly but sits back on his seat. “Please?”

“No, I won’t turn it down just because you want me to,” Louis yells. “That car is fucking loud too, why don’t you ask Daniel to stop it for you, so you’ll have silence?”

“You’re so mean,” Harry answers quietly. “I haven’t done anything to you and you won’t stop behaving like an asshole.”

“I don’t care.”

“I’m not surprised,” Harry answers, rubs his eyes and turns his head away.

“Are you crying?” Louis asks with a mocking grin because Harry is so easy to tease and it would really amuse him if he did. The boy doesn’t answer. “Oh God,” Louis mumbles and hits his forehead with the palm of his hand and shakes his head. Then Louis puts his headphones back in and stares out of the window.

Harry stays quiet until Daniel decides to let everyone have a break. When Louis and Daniel light their cigarettes, Harry pulls a face. “Smoking is disgusting.”

“Did anyone ask you to comment our actions?” Louis asks forcefully, blowing the smoke into Harry’s direction on purpose. “Just move, nobody forces you to stand close to us,” he grunts. “That kid is insane.”

“You two are insane, if you asked me,” Daniel laughs and flips his cigarette onto the ground. “A terrible duo you are.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Can’t wait to get rid of him,” he tells Daniel after Harry has walked away with Gregory but Daniel only laughs and doesn’t respond.

When they continue their trip, Louis and Harry continue to argue in the car for a while. Luckily, the younger boy falls asleep soon so the rest of the trip stays quiet.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s a nice and surprisingly warm October evening when Louis sits outside of Cubes, the famous skater shop in London, smoking his joint. He used to smoke more pot a few years ago but still, he doesn’t want to stop because it relaxes him a lot. It’s no big deal for him. He has a job, he has friends, he manages his life quite well. People are just too judgemental sometimes but he gives a shit about what they think.

After he has finished, he gets up to get some food from the fast food stall that’s located at the nearby tube station. The place is very small and narrow. There are just three people in there, probably because it’s very late in the evening. Louis walks in, grabs some crisps, a chocolate bar and a coke.

“Hi! What can I get you?” the tall, young man behind the counter asks Louis with a bright, perfect smile. Louis hasn’t seen him in here before but somehow he seems quite familiar. The boy’s hair is long and curly, his eyes are green and he’s very attractive, sexy even. “Styles” is written on his nameplate but as much as Louis tries to remember why he’s got the feeling that he knows this guy, he won’t succeed. Louis just looks at him without greeting back, puts everything onto the counter and orders some fish and chips aditionally.

“That’s 6 pounds, please,” the guy says friendly. Louis hands him the money and waits for the guy to return the change. Before he gives Louis the change back, he looks at him. “Uhm . . . sorry but . . . aren’t you . . . . Louis?” the guy suddenly asks and hands Louis the change. “I was just thinking that . . .”

Louis takes the change and frowns. “Huh? Where do you know my name from?” Louis is still not sure who this is.

The boy’s cheeks flush. “I . . . I think we met a few years ago. You know . . . in that car to Brighton.” He pauses. “You were . . . very rude,” he says quietly.

Louis frowns. “Oh . . . but that means you’re . . . Harry?” Louis asks questionning.

The boy nods. “That’s my name, yeah.”

Louis smiles a little bit. “You were so annoying!” He bows his head and lets out a small laugh. “Jesus . . .”

Harry smiles back timidly. “And you were a jerk.”

“I still am, you know.”

“Everybody can change.”

“I don’t know about that,” Louis insists and shrugs.

“We could find that out?” Harry suggests. “I’m about to close here. We could sit down at the stairs in front of that huge statue in the park and eat together?” the boy proposes while he’s getting rid of his apron.

Louis is torn between spending time with Harry or not but somehow, Louis is attracted to him. He’s not looking like a baby anymore, he has changed a lot. His cheekbones are more prominent, his face is defined and his whole appearance is very appealing. “Well . . . I’ve nothing planned tonight so . . . why not? If you annoy me I can still leave,” Louis says jokingly what makes Harry smile. What a cute smile that is, these dimples! He hadn’t notice them before. Louis shakes his head to get rid of his thoughts.

“Idiot,” Harry smiles and starts cleaning the counter. Louis smirks at Harry and puts his stuff into a plastic bag.

*

“So what do you do for a living?” Harry asks Louis as they sit on the stairs in front of the huge Albert memorial in Hyde Park.

“I sell drugs and my body at a strip club,” Louis answers seriously, pulling at the package of crisps that it opens with a crackling sound.

The younger boy gives him a horrified look and all the colour is about to dissappear from his face. Harry’s face lets Louis giggle while he shoves two crisps into his mouth. “You should see your face! Fuck! Of course I’m not doing that!” he laughes, “I work at Cubes, a few streets away from here!”

Harry covers his eyes with the palm of his hand and shakes his head. He nudges Louis but can’t hide a small smile. “Idiot.”

“I’m not an idiot.”

“Sure you are.”

“Oh come on,” Louis teases. He would never admit but he really enjoys his time with Harry although they’re just eating and talking.

“But you look like someone who would have that kind of job,” Harry says, quoting the word job with his fingers.

“Why?” Louis asks, taking a sip of his coke.

“Well you . . . you look like that.”

“I look like what?”

“Like someone who could sell drugs and stuff,” Harry states.

Louis whistles. “Oh I see. Predjudices.”

Harry shakes his head. “No, no, I mean . . . I just . . .” the boy tries to justify his words, but Louis interrupts him.

“Don’t even try to talk your way out of this,” he says. “I’m used to it. A lot of people think I’m doing illegal things just because of my look, you know. The tattoos and stuff but . . . I don’t care. Well, I’m not a saint and I smoke a lot of shit but I’m not a criminal and I’m not selling my body.”

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention to judge you,” Harry says and touches Louis’ arm for a second. “I just thought . . .”

“It’s fine, really. Don’t worry, I’m just telling you,” Louis answers with a small smile. Then he throws a few more crisps into his mouth. “No wonder you think that way. Look at you, I mean . . . you look perfect and I bet people think you are. Perfect and innocent, smart as fuck and someone with good manners, someone who’s always nice and polite to people and I bet you’re studying something.”

Harry looks at Louis. “Yeah, I’m studying at uni but I’m not that perfect.”

“See?” Louis responds and raises one eyebrow. “But I bet that’s what people think first when they see you.”

“Maybe . . . they do. But I’m not perfect,” Harry repeats. “I hate when people call me that.”

“See? And I’m not a stripper,” Louis winks.

“But if you were, I’m sure you’d earn good money with that,” Harry jokes.

“Oho, innocent Harry is getting cheeky!” Louis smirks.

Harry sticks out his tongue to Louis. “I’m just adapting to people around me,” he jokes and takes a small bite of his burger.

A few seconds later, Harry’s phone rings. “Hey . . . no, no I’m not at home . . . I don’t know, really . . . I won’t . . . no, not tonight . . . I can’t . . . but it’s not my fault, you did that . . . no I . . . why are you mad at me? I can’t do this anymore, Matt!” Harry yells into the phone. “I don’t care! You hurt me every time! No! . . . I won’t accept that!” Harry ends the call, puts the phone next to him and supports his head with his hands.

After the call, they boys remains quiet for a while. “I used to know a guy named Matt,” Louis remarks and suddenly it comes to his mind. He turns toward Harry and touches his arm. “Wait, wait . . . are you Harry, his boyfriend?”  Louis asks as the scale falls from his eyes. “I met him about two years ago and he told me about his boyfriend Harry! Is that really you?”

Harry frowns but his expression is sad. “He is my boyfriend but we’re in a fight. He’s always flirting with others and I can’t take that anymore. I think I’m going to break up before he hurts me even more or before he does.”

“That sucks,” Louis says and lights a cigarette.

“It hurts, most of all.”

Louis holds the pack out to Harry. “Want one?” he offers, but Harry pushes Louis’ arm away.

“I hate smoking, remember?” he says.

Louis nods. “Hell yes, I do remember. I just thought that people change so . . .”

“I’d never smoke, it’s disgusting.”

“Okay,” Louis says and puts the pack back into his pocket.

“What about you then? Do you have a girlfriend?” Harry asks Louis as he shoves three fries into his mouth.

“I had a girlfriend but to be honest, I’m more into guys. I fuck girls if they’re hot though,” Louis grins. “It’s fun. Right now I have a boyfriend but basically it’s just sex. He wants to move in with me and won’t stop annoying me with that so I’ll probably end it this week,” Louis says cooly, blowing out the smoke of his cigarette. This time he’s careful about not blowing the smoke into Harry’s direction. Then he lets out a short laugh. “Funny we’re both in the same situation, aren’t we?”

Harry just looks over to Louis and shakes his head. “I don’t think we are in the same situation. I love Matt and I would never talk that dismissively about my partner,” he answers sharply.

“But he doesn’t love you obviously, does he? So just forget about him.”

“If it was that easy. I can’t act that cold-hearted about it as you do in your case,” Harry replies.

“It is that easy actually - if you know what you want. If he doesn’t want you, leave. I’ll do the same. I don’t love him, it’s just sex. If he wasn’t so annoying, I’d probably stay with him but that’s no option for me.”

“You sound so cold when you talk about this topic,” Harry says quietly.

“Well, sometimes you have to see things pragmatically. Blend out your emotions, that’s all,” Louis replies. “Do what’s best for you, that’s it.”

“Relationships are all about emotions. It might be easy for you to blend out your emotions but it’s not that easy for me, even if I’m not happy in that situation right now.”

“Harry! So you want to stick with that guy just because you still love him but he doesn’t? That’s not logical at all. So what? Get distracted. Go out, have fun, just do what’s good for you! That’s what I do all the time and I never worry about these things.”

Harry nods with a frown. “I got that. You would run away and mess around with other people instead of talking the problems out, right?”

“Sure.”

“That’s not respectful.”

“I don’t care. It’s about me, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not only about you when you’re in a relationship. There are always two sides of a medal and even if it’s difficult, you need to tackle a problem with your partner.”

Louis doesn’t respond. He takes a long drag of his cigarette, blowing out the smoke slowly.

Harry gets up. “Would you mind if I go home now? I have to overthink everything and here’s not the right place to do so.”

Louis nods. “Okay. See you tomorrow, maybe?”

“Maybe,” Harry answers with a sad voice sad. Then he walks away.

*

Louis and Harry meet at the food stall every other day and grab something to eat. It turns out that Harry really isn’t as annoying as he used to be years ago and soon they become friends who spend a lot of time together. It only takes a few days until Matt breaks up with Harry and there’s nothing Louis can do to make the boy smile again. He’s a picture of misery and Louis has to think of an idea how to take of Harry’s mind of his heartbreak.

“You need distraction,” Louis suggests as they’re sitting on the well known stairs again. The weather is getting colder but still they enjoy their special place. Louis is smoking a joint while Harry is just having a snack. “Want a drag?” he asks the younger boy but Harry declines again.

“No, surely not,” Harry says as he’s pulling a disgusted face. “I still don’t do drugs and you shouldn’t either.”

Louis shrugs his shoulders. “I bet you haven’t even tried. Pot is very relaxing when you’re not feeling well or you’re stressed out. Maybe you wouldn’t be so depresive if you smoked a bit or had random sex.”

Harry gives Louis a shocked look. “That’s how YOU might solve problems, but that’s not my way!” he yells. “I hate smoking, no matter if it’s cigarettes or this . . .” he mutters. “And you know what? My sex life is none of your business.”

Louis grins and shakes his head. “You’re so uptight, Harold,” he fires back, trying to sound serious but he can’t hide a smile. It’s just too easy to tease Harry.

“And you’re still a jerk,” Harry says angrily. “My name is Harry, not Harold.”

“So?” Louis replies in amusement, raising his eyebrows.

“I thought you have changed,” Harry says with a sad tone in his voice. “But you clearly haven’t.”

“Hey, don’t take me too serious here,” Louis replies, patting Harry’s back quickly. “I just want you to live again and have fun.”

“I do live and I have fun. In addition, I have a lot to do for college - in contrast to you,” Harry snaps.

“Oh, curly is pissed!” Louis says with a smile and pinches Harry’s cheek.

“I’m not pissed,” Harry mumbles what makes Louis giggle.

“Sure you are.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“Stop that!”

“Stop what?”

“Stop making fun of me all the time.”

“I don’t do that.”

“Sure you do.”

Louis sighs. “I’m just trying to light up your mood a bit, silly.”

“I’m not silly.”

“You’re such a princess, Harold.”

“My name is Harry.”

“Well, you’re such a princess, Harry,” Louis repeats and takes the last few drags of his joint.

“All you do it hurting people.”

“Not true.”

“True. Listen to your words.”

Louis stays quiet and stares at the ground. “It’s not my intention to hurt people.”

Harry shoots him a glare. “But obviously that’s what you do.”

“Maybe I’m not the loveliest guy on that planet but at least I’m not playing a role,” Louis says.

Harry looks at him. “So you want to tell me that I’m only playing a role?”

“Not at all. But I know a lot of people who do and I’m not one of them. I might be rude sometimes and I know I’m not everybody’s darling but that’s me. That doesn’t mean I’m an asshole.”

Harry nods. “Maybe you’re right. But . . . I’ve been hurt so many times, I’m sick of it.”

Louis nods. “Well . . . we should really do something to lighten up your mood.”

The boys sit there in silence, eating and watching the passing people. Suddenly Louis grabs Harry’s arm. “You know what? Let’s have a double date next weekend!” he suggests happily. “That could be fun and it would be a great opportunity for you to get distracted from your shit!”

“What?” Harry asks, frowning. “Us? Surely not!”

“Not us,” Louis says smiling. “You will bring a guy you think I’d like and I will bring a guy you might like and that’s it! We’ll just have a cool night out without any duties or something. Come on! It will be fun!”

Harry folds his hands. “I don’t know about that.”

“Let’s give it a try! Please?” Louis says in a lovely tone that makes Harry smile a little.

“Do you only say “please” when you want to convince people?”

Louis giggles. “Sometimes I can be lovely, even.” He nudges Harry and puts his head onto his shoulder for a second.

“Insistent, I’d say,” Harry replies and looks at Louis.

“Call it whatever you want as long as you agree.”

Harry sighs. “Okay then, I’m in.”

“Noooo, really? That’s so cool!” Louis cheers and holds his hand up for a high-five.

Harry smiles and answers Louis’ gesture. “At least one of us is happy now.”

“You will be happy too, just wait,” Louis grins. “We’ll meet on Saturday in front of “Fabric” – it’s located in Charterhouse Street. Half past eight. Bring a date for me and I’ll bring one for you, okay?”

“Fine,” Harry replies as he gets up to throw his leftovers away. “I’ll be there.”

“I’ll bring condoms,” Louis giggles and gets up too.

“Fuck you,” Harry snaps and sticks his tongue out at Louis.

“Oh, kitten has got claws!” Louis yells out jokingly and winks at Harry.

Harry flips Louis off and walks away.

“See you in three days!” Louis yells but Harry doesn’t turn around. He just holds up his hand quickly as he dissappears in the crowd.


	4. Chapter 4

On Friday evening, Louis stands in front of his wardrobe and is about to make up his mind about his outfit. He doesn’t want to dress too classy but he also doesn’t want to wear his usual baggy jeans and sweater either. That outfit definitely wouldn’t fit for the club. In the end he decides to wear some black skinny jeans, a white shirt with a grey print, his jeans jacket and some sneakers. He ruffles through his hair and adjusts his bangs so that they cover his forehead playfully. When his hair looks fluffy enough, Louis fixes it with a little bit of hairspray. One last look into the mirror tells him that he’s ready to party.

Near his tube station, Louis meets Collin. Louis and he aren’t close friends but they sometimes meet at the gym and exercise together. Collin likes jogging, doesn’t smoke and enjoys talking about almost every topic. Maybe he will be a good date for Harry, who knows.

When they arrive at the club, there aren’t many people waiting in front of it so it doesn’t take long until Louis spots Harry and a guy next to him. He’s tall, has short brown hair, he’s dressed in jeans and a black shirt with a print of Jimmy Hendrix. Nice.

“Hey!” Louis greets Harry and the guy as he takes a drag of his cigarette. “Nice shirt,” Louis tells him who introduces himself as Jo.

“Thanks. You don’t look too bad yourself, Louis,” Jo replies and smiles at the boy.

Then Louis introduces his date for Harry.

They chat a little bit in front of the club before they queue up in line. The club is packed, the music is loud and the crowd is having a blast when the four guys order their drinks and look for a place to sit. After a while, they find an empty compartement which contains a table and sofas in the back of the club. Collin takes a seat next to Harry and Louis sits down next to Jo. The atmosphere is nice and chatty and all four guys get on pretty well. Louis pays the next drinks, followed by Jo. To get to know each other a little better and after a while Louis decides to smoke a cigarette. Louis has the impression that Harry isn’t very interested in Collin and if he’s honest, he doesn’t think Jo is his type. He’s kind of cool and funny but too boring for Louis. But as it seems, Jo and Collin get on really well. It’s a cool night out but the spark doesn’t insist as Louis thought it would.

“I need some fresh air,” Harry says to Louis. Of course he does.

“I wanted to smoke anyway one so let’s go,” Louis replies and grabs his jacket. Harry pulls a face but doesn’t say anything.

“Do you like Jo?” Harry asks Louis as they’re about to leave the club.

“He’s looks hot as fuck and I think he has a big one but I’m not sure if I want to meet him again,” Louis answers, lighting a cigarette. “I wouldn’t fuck him tonight.”

“You should have told me that you were only looking for someone to sleep with,” Harry snaps. “I wasn’t aware of the fact that you wanted only that tonight.”

“Huh, are you pissed?” Louis mocks Harry who frowns.

“I’m not pissed but all you think about is sex,” Harry complains. “And smoking.” Harry tries to get rid of the smoke that’s nearly in his face.

Louis doesn’t answer. After a few more drags, he turns to Harry again. “I don’t unerstand why you’re so uptight when I talk about it but seriously, sex is the best thing in the world,” he remarks. “But okay so . . . what about Collin?”

“It’s not about sex only, Louis . . . ,” Harry says quietly. “Collin is nice and good looking but . . . I’m not sure if I want to meet him again. Maybe I’m just too shy or restricted at the moment.”

Louis takes another long drag of his cigarette and blows out the smoke. “Do you like the club at least?”

“I do! The music is cool and the atmosphere is amazing. It’s not that I don’t like it here,” Harry says. “Or that I don’t like the night. It’s cool and I’d love to dance a bit more, actually.”

Louis smiles at the boy. “Then let’s go inside and have a wild time, okay?” he says and puts an arm around Harry as they walk back.

“By the way . . . I wanted to tell you that you look good tonight,” Louis remarks.

Harry looks at Louis and frowns. “Do you want to mock me again or what?”

Louis pulls away and shakes his head. “No – I’m being serious! You look great.”

Harry’s face relaxes a little. “Thanks,” he says quietly and bows his head, probably because his cheeks flush.

As they enter the club again, Louis buys two drinks for Harry and himself before they go back to their seats. Louis can’t see Collin and Jo anywhere but soon he spots them kissing and grinding a few metres away.

“Harry! Look at them!” he yells out and laughes. “At least they’ve found each other, who would have thought that?”

Harry gives Louis a thumbs up and takes a sip of his drink. “I’m glad because I haven’t found the right excuse why I wouldn’t like to meet Collin again yet. Now I don’t have to lie.”

“You could have said the truth though,” Louis suggests. “You’re a scaredy cat, aren’t you?”

Harry shrugs. “I don’t want to hurt people, that’s all.”

Louis rolls his eyes. That’s so typically Harry, he cares too much about others. “Come on Harold! Let’s stop talking about Collin but dance instead!” Louis yells and pulls Harry away from the table.

“Only if you stop being mean to me!” Harry replies and scowls. “And my name isn’t Harold!”

Louis playfully pinches Harry’s cheek. “Don’t be offended, baby boy! Come on, let’s make the best out of this night now,” he yells and pulls Harry on the dancefloor.

When Louis comes home late after midnight, his head is buzzing. The double date didn’t work out the way he had hoped to but spending the night with Harry was fun too. If he’s honest to himself he thinks that Harry is cute and . . . kind of sexy. But Louis didn’t want to make a move on the boy because even with alcohol in his veins he’s aware of the fact that this wouldn’t have worked out the right way.


	5. Chapter 5

 It’s a cold December afternoon when Louis comes home from work.  It has been a tough day and all he wants is to chill out and watch some stupid TV show. He changes his skater clothes to a cosy sweater and trainers, grabs some food from the kitchen and plops down on his sofa.

After some time, the bell rings. “Holy shit!” Louis yells because the sound startles him every time. The bell rings again and Louis gets pissed. “Who’s there?” he barks into the intercom.

“Harry,” Harry answers with a low voice. “Can I come in, please?”

Louis doesn’t answer at first.

“Louis? Can I come . . .”

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis interrupts the boy. “I was just thinking.”

His friendship with Harry has developped during the last weeks. Louis wouldn’t say that they’re best friends actually but he got used by hanging out with Harry so he presses the door opener.

Harry walks up the stairs quickly. He’s clearly upset, his curls stick into all directions, his face is red and his eyes radiate anger and sadness, all at once. “Sorry that I didn’t message before but I was too upset to call first so I’ve decided to just come over. I hope you don’t mind,” Harry says. He takes his shoes off, walks past Louis and plops down on the sofa.

“You act as if you’ve seen a ghost,” Louis remarks as he’s about to close the door.

“I just saw that Matt will get married! Can you believe this?” Harry yells. His face is still red and his eyes are blodshoot.

“Where do you know that from?” Louis asks frowning.

“Facebook! How can he do that to me? He knows how much I loved him and it has only been a month or less that we broke up and now he wants to marry?” Harry’s voice is filled with emotion.

“Oh Harold, just forget about him!” Louis tells the upset boy. “It won’t change anything to be angry or jealous.”

Harry shakes his head. “My name is Harry, not Harold! And you . . . you just don’t understand. I knew you wouldn’t because you have no idea what it means to love someone and I can tell you that I did . . . I . . . I loved him so much . . . and he cheated on me with this guy, he wants to marry him AND he made everything public!” Harry looks down, buries his hands into his dense curls and shakes his head. “It hurts too much, I don’t know what to do,” he whispers with a shaky voice, almost close to tears.

Louis looks him in the eyes and he suddenly starts to scrutinize him a bit more than he has already done before. Harry’s skin is ususally pale but his cheeks are flushed now. It’s a slight pink tone that fits his whole appearance and makes him seem vulnerable and even shyer than he really is. The boy looks so pretty with his glassy eyes, his full, rosy lips and his half-long curls that almosttouch his shoulders. If Louis is honest with himself, he has never seen anyone being so pretty and he wonders why he hasn’t noticed that before. Probably because he was too occupied with other people and work, that’s why. And Harry isn’t just pretty, he’s sexy. Hot as fuck, although he looks so innocent – or maybe just because he does. His long legs look so good in these skinny jeans, especially his thighs. They seem to be strong but still, his whole appearance looks dainty. Harry’s arms are defined and his torso must look similar. What the fuck? Louis needs distraction so he walks over to his small kitchen area to make some tea.

“Do you want tea?” he asks Harry who’s watching his every move. And for the first time Louis wants to know more about him – apart from Matt.

“I’d like to,” Harry answers and pulls his legs close to his body. “Thank you.” He puts his head on his bended knees and wraps his arms around them. “Why does he have to do this . . . why?” he asks but doesn’t get an answer. “I hate him,” Harry mutters, his voice shaky.

Louis fills the kettle with water and stares at it. Harry’s voice is so . . . raspy, even if it’s shaky, it’s such a beautiful sound. Ugh. What’s happening to him? He walks over to Harry and leans against the table. “Was Matt your first boyfriend? Because I remember being that upset when my first girlfriend broke up with me,” he adds and rubs his hands over his face, adjusting his fringe. He’s kind of nervous. What the fuck.

Harry frowns. “You . . . had a girlfriend?”

Louis nods. “Many. Well . . . to be honest, I was using some of them but I liked her a lot. It sucked when she broke up. But I’ve learned it always gets better because you realize the world is full of other people.”

Harry remains quiet and gives him a reproachful look.

“What?” Louis snaps as he’s walking over to the kettle to pour the hot water into two cups.

“I just can’t stand how you talk about people and . . . feelings,” Harry says quietly.

Louis hands him a cup of tea and sits down on the armrest and hands Harry his cup. “Yeah well, it’s the truth. I’ve never met anyone who meant a lot to me, like . . . I mean who I really loved. So that’s basically it and to be honest, I don’t think real love even exists,” he replies and suddenly, a strange feeling is spreading in his stomach. Is this what he really feels? He’s not sure. “Feelings are temporary.”

“You’re hurt, that’s why you talk like this.”

“I’m not hurt.”

“Of course you are, don’t lie to yourself.”

“I’m just being realistic,” Louis answers. “That’s it. That’s the real thing.”

Harry takes a sip of his tea. “I don’t believe that.”

Louis gets up to sit down on an armchair opposite of Harry.

“Can I have a blanket, please?” Harry asks. “It’s a bit cold in here.”

“Nobody forced you to come here,” Louis says but when Harry gives him a sad look, he quickly smirks at him. “I’m joking. You shouldn’t take everything too seriously,” he adds and walks out of the room to get Harry a blanket.

“Here you are.” Louis throws the blanket at Harry and ruffles through his hair.

“Thank you,” the boy answers and wraps it around his body.

Louis just watches him from his seat and . . . there’s this strange, warm feeling again.

“So . . . what are you going to do now?” Louis asks, pointing at Harry’s mobile.

Harry sighs. “I don’t know. Being sad, I think.” The boy wraps his hands around his mug and stares at it.

Louis puts his mug onto the table and walks over to Harry. He sits down next to him and caresses his back a little. “Hey Harry, don’t be sad because of this asshole.” Harry looks at him, unbelievingly. His eyes are glossy and Louis is sure that he won’t be able to cope with him crying. “He’s not worth it, seriously. Look at you! I’m sure there are many people out there who think you’re attractive and . . . a nice person,” he quickly adds.

Louis’ words nearly scare him. They’re too cheesy but he thinks that that’s something Harry would love to hear. And maybe he wants to tell him this because he has feelings for Harry. Is this just the feeling of a deeper friendship or is he about to fall for this cute boy with the dimples? Louis isn’t sure so he takes his hand away from Harry’s back. Jesus fucking Christ, that’s not good at all. Harry isn’t his type. He’s decent, smart and cute. Everybody’s darling. Louis could scream when Harry looks at him with his teary, beautiful eyes and full lips . . .

“What?” Harry sniffles.

“Nothing,” Louis replies.

“No you . . . this was the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Louis. Are you sure that . . . that you’re not making fun of me?” he asks with a shaky voice, wiping his eyes.

Louis nods. “I’m . . . I’m being serious.” He looks at the floor.

Harry suddenly nuzzles closer to Louis and puts his head onto his shoulder. “Thank you,” he says.

Louis just sits there and has no idea what to do or feel. Somehow he is sorry for Harry because that boy seems to be kind of an angel and Louis knows he hasn’t been very friendly toward him most of the time. But he wants to be nicer to him now. The older boy holds up his arm to wrap it around Harry who’s started sobbing more than before. He’s shaking while he presses his body closer to Louis’ and moves his head to Louis’ chest. Tears run down his cheeks and his body is slightly shivering. Harry wraps his arm around Louis’ body and Louis has to admit that . . . it feels kind of . . . good and . . . familiar. He puts his arm around Harry’s shoulder and let’s Harry calms down a bit.

“Thank you,” Harry sobbs as he’s adjusting his position. His voice is hoarse from crying but it sounds sexy as fuck. Louis feels guilty for that thought but he can’t help himself. What if Harry . . . Louis shakes his head because his thoughts are really inaproppriate in this situation. Louis is even shocked of what he’s thinking of Harry, out of all people. Fuck.

“For what?” he replies insecurely because his thoughts drive him crazy and he needs to cool down.

“For just being there for me,” Harry replies with a weak voice. “I never thought you would do that, to be honest. And for letting me being close to you, it means a lot,” Harry explains, wraps his hand around Louis’ waist again just to squeeze him without looking up.

“Oh,” Louis says and leans back a bit. Harry adjusts his position and closes his eyes. They stay like this for a few minutes.

“Your heartbeat is calming me,” Harry suddenly admits, his voice thick with tears. At least he has stopped crying.

Louis doesn’t know what to say but . . . has Harry always been that sweet? Louis can’t understand why he is like that but . . . it’s nice, he likes it.

“I’ve never thought about something like this, to be honest,” Louis answers quietly.

 Harry looks up for a second and their eyes meet. “Feelings aren’t something to think about all the time,” he says. “Feelings just happen. Maybe that’s why you’re such an asshole.” A small smirk escapes his lips.

Jesus! These lips. What if they were wrapped around . . . Louis shakes his head and wipes his face with his hand. What the fuck. He feels hot and he’s sure that his cheeks are flushed by now. “Feelings make you sad,” Louis replies, wiping a tear away from Harry’s face.

The younger boy gets up from Louis’ chest. “Feelings can be good, Louis,” he says and looks him in the eyes. “You just have to allow them to take control . . .” Harry nearly whispers as he looks into Louis’ eyes. He’s so close to his face that Louis can’t think anymore. This raspy, hoarse voice, these full lips, these eyes . . . Harry kind of drives him crazy. Louis moves his head closer to Harry’s in slow motion, his eyes exploring Harry’s face and Harry’s doing the same until Louis leans in and gives Harry a gentle kiss onto his lips. They part almost automatically when Harry moves his tongue along with Louis and Harry’s cheeks flush. As Louis pulls back, Harry looks shocked but the small smile shows that he’s okay. He gently touches Louis’ cheek and gives him a small, cute kiss what makes Louis flick his tongue across Harry’s full lips quickly, then kisses him again. It feels warm, it feels right and it’s the most beautiful kiss he’s ever gotten. Harry’s kisses are gentle but still forceful and the mixture of it is heavenly. Louis trows the blanket onto the floor and straddles Harry’s lap as the boy puts his hands onto Louis’ hips to pull him closer.

Louis’ mind is about to explode. Everything gets more intense when he buries his hands into Harry’s curls and leans forward to not break the kiss. Harry’s a good kisser and Louis just can’t get enough of it. Suddenly, he stops and looks into Harry’s eyes. “You . . . you are beautiful, Harry,” he whispers. “Too beautiful,” he says and lets his fingertips explore Harry’s pink lips while Harry is slowly opening his mouth a little, then he pulls away.

Harry’s eyes are locked with Louis’ and the younger boy bites his lower lip. There’s a sexual tension in the air and Louis can also feel it. “So innocent,” Louis whispers as he leans in for another deep kiss. He moans quietly into Harry’s mouth as he flicks his tongue around Harry’s. From time to time he pulls away so that Harry has to chase him and it feels like a relief when their lips meet for more again. Harry’s breath gets heated and Louis can already feel the pressure in his lower stomach growing from second to second. He stops kissing, gets into an upright position and looks at Harry’s crotch with a smirk. When his gaze goes back to Harry’s face, he noticed that they boy’s pupils have widden enormously and his chest is raising and falling faster than before. He bites his lip again and touches Louis’ arm gently. Louis lets his finger slowly run along Harry’s boner that’s clearly visible through his jeans. “It’s interesting that one, isn’t it,” he says slowly while Harry is just watching him in silence. Louis leans in again, gives Harry a sloppy kiss and gets up from the sofa. He reaches his hand out to the boy. “Come on, I will take care you you, okay?” Harry gulps heavily, takes Louis hand and follows him into his bedroom.

Louis can’t think straight. He pulls Harry close, wraps his arms around his neck and looks deep into his eyes. “I’m still not sure if you only play the innocent boy or if you actually are but just the fact drives me crazy and I want to fuck you so hard that you cry out in pleasure and lust, Harold,” Louis cooes, his lips nearly touching Harry’s.

Harry gulps heavily again but stays quiet. He just leans in for another kiss that gets more heated with every second. “Are you afraid?” Louis whispers into Harry’s mouth but the boy just bites his lip and shakes his head, his eyes never leaving Louis’. Fuck. This boy has the most intensive stare ever and Louis knows what he’s talking about. He nods and lets his hand travel down Harry’s side until he reaches the bottom of his shirt and pulls it up a bit, feeling his hot skin below before he pulls Harry’s shirt off.

“Nice little body,” he says, looking up and down Harry’s naked torso. He’s not too muscular but well-defined which is sexy as hell. Louis takes Harry by the hand again and leads him to his bed where the boy sits down, still flushed. Louis pushes him down and straddles his thighs again so that he hovers over him. He puts his hands next to Harry’s head and looks him deep into his green eyes. Then he places small kisses onto his neck and chest. While they’re kissing again, Harry pulls Louis’ shirt off too what makes Louis smirk and kiss Harry’s forehead. Louis’ fingers touch Harry’s nipples while they kiss and it’s clear that this is something Harry likes. Louis can feel the bulge in his jeans, there it is.  
He smirks and lets his tongue run across them before he kisses his way down to the waist of Harry’s jeans. Louis opens the zipper and tuggs at the trousers until they fall onto the floor. The older boy spreads Harry’s legs and moves his face closer to the boy’s crotch. Harry’s now resting his weigh on his ellbows as he’s watching Louis and . . . of course he bites his lower lip. Their eyes meet and Louis winks at the boy. “This is what I want to see, this is it,” he says slowly as he’s squeezing Harry’s length with his hands a little. He lets his hand run up and down Harry’s semi-hard length that gets bigger and bigger within seonds. Harry has put his head back and he tries to push his hips up, needy for Louis to continue. “So you want more? Talk to me!” Louis demands, stops touching Harry but moves closer to his face again to give him a kiss. “Do you want me to touch you again?” he whispers but instead of talking, Harry just mumbles something. “Okay love, just wait,” Louis breathes into Harry’s ear before he lets his tongue circle around Harry’s puffy nipples again, pinching them a bit. “Let’s see what I can do for you,” Louis cooes and pulls Harry’s briefs down. “Wow Harry . . . your dick is massive . . . it’s beautiful, really. How could Matt leave you? I don’t understand . . . that . . . at all, “ Louis remarks as he places a few kisses onto the shaft, then wraps his hand around Harry and pumps him slowly at first.

Harry whimpers quietly and Louis tightens his grip a little. “Faster, please!” Harry whines soon as Louis teases him with slow movements only.

“I’m the one who decides here, love. Be patient, okay?” Louis answers as he lets go off Harry to lick his shaft until he reaches the tip. He takes it into his mouth and moves his head up and down a few times. He flicks his tongue around the tip that’s already leaked with pre-come. “Jesus, you’re so ready for it,” Louis says as he pumps Harry a faster. When Louis lowers back onto Harry, he grabs Louis’ hair and tugs at it while he’s whimpering silently. Louis smirks and wraps his hand around Harry while he’s blowing him in a steady rhythm.

“Don’t stop Louis, please, I . . . I . . .” Harry whines, his voice is raspy and desperate what turns Louis on a lot but  . . . he doesn’t want Harry to come like this. Louis wants to fuck him so bad so he stops touching him. Harry whimpers at the loss but Louis gives him a sign to be quiet. He takes off his pants too and lies down next to the boy, gently touching his face. “You . . . you won’t come like this,” he says. As Harry wants to say something, Louis just puts a finger on his lips. “Don’t talk now. Just trust me, okay? Do you trust me?”

Harry nods desperately, pressing his lips togther. He gently wraps his arms around Louis’ neck to kiss him again. It doesn’t take long until the boy hovers over Louis and pulls his boxers off too. He wraps his hands around Louis’ length and pumps him for a few seconds before he takes him into his mouth. Harry definitely knows what he’s doing there and his innocent appearance turns Louis on even more. He moans as Harry spits onto his tip and takes him deep into his warm mouth again. Louis’ tip touches Harry’s throat a few times what makes Harry gag but he doesn’t pull away. This sounds lets Louis’ excitement grow and the feeling in the pit of his stomach gets more and more intense. All he wants is to fuck Harry so hard, to fuck him until he comes. Because of Harry, Louis almost can’t think clearly anymore. He’s so close so he props himself up and shoves Harry’s head aside. “I love what you’re doing but . . . you have to stop or I’ll come down your throat.”

Harry’s eyes are wide. “Did I do something wrong?” he asks unsurely, nearly shy.

“Jesus fucking Christ, no no no! You’re so good at this but . . . I want to show you something that’s even better than this.”

Harry presses his lips together again and nods. Jesus. He looks so fucking innocent doing this that Louis could get hard from watching Harry alone. He lies down next to Louis and looks at him. Fuck. Harry is such a turn on. His look is intense, his cheeks are flushed and his breathing fast. Louis caresses Harry’s cheek and brushes a curl of his already sweaty forehead.

“Have you ever had a dick up your ass?” Louis asks what makes Harry’s cheeks flush even more. He’s definitely not used to dirty talking, definitely not. Louis clears his voice. “I mean, have you already had real gay sex with someone?” Louis asks as he runs hin fingertips up and down Harry’s torso. He just can’t take his hands off Harry. He’s just too beautiful not to touch. Damn.

Harry nods but hides his face behind his hands. “I have tried it but . . . it wasn’t nice at all, I don’t know . . .” he mumbles. Louis grabs his wrists and pulls them away. “Only fingers?” Harry nods.

“How was it?” Louis asks.

“It hurt a bit, I just didn’t like it. It was Matt, he . . .” Harry says timidly, staring at the ceiling.

“Did that asshole at least give you an orgasm?”

“Stop that!” Harry scowls and hits Louis playfully with his hand.

“You like my dirty mouth. You’re just to shy to admit!” Louis says and gives Harry a smirk. “So did he make you come?” Louis asks again but Harry shakes his head. “If you want . . .” Louis says slowly and kisses Harry’s temple gently, “I can help you out but . . . you have to trust me,” he whispers as he starts to pump Harry very, very slowly again. “Do you want that?”

Harry nods. “I trust you. But . . . I’m . . . I think I’m afraid,” he admits barely audible. “It hurt when he . . . you know.”

Louis looks into Harry’s eyes and lets his index finger run along the boy’s lips again, his eyes never leaving Harry’s. He gets up, takes Harry’s hand into his and gives him a cute kiss onto his forehead. “I’ll be gentle, I promise. If you don’t like it, I’ll stop but . . . trust me, I will show you something you’ve never felt before and I bet you’ll beg me for more afterwards,” Louis smirks.

Harry nods. “Should I . . . like, should I shower first or . . .?” Harry asks shyly.

“Well . . . when have you showered the last time? And went to the toilet?” Louis asks.

“This morning, “ Harry answers.

“Then everthing’s fine,” Louis replies and gives him a kiss. “Don’t worry.”

“What . . . I mean, what do I have to do?” Harry asks timidly.

“Just relax, okay? Relax and let me do the work,” Louis whispers and leans in for a long kiss. Louis gives Harry a pillow for his head. He smirks and lets his hand travel down Harry’s stomach until he reaches his thighs. Louis pushes them open a little. “Just spread your legs baby,” Louis whispers and moves down. “But Harry,” Louis warns, “ don’t touch yourself.”

Harry nods and presses his lips together again. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Even Harry’s ass is beautiful, so beautiful that Louis wants to cry. He takes some lube and a condom out of his nightstand, then lets his hands run along Harry’s butt cheeks. “Okay so . . . here we go,” he smirks and touches Harry’s rim with one finger before he spreads Harry’s butt cheeks and licks a long stripe to his whole. Louis spits onto Harry and licks around his whole again, even trying to poke his tongue in a bit.

“Louis . . .” Harry moans a little and grabs Louis’s left hand, “this feels so good, please do it again,” he begs.

Louis giggles and moves his face even closer to the pink flesh that’s already slick with spit. He opens his mouth, runs his tongue and lips up and down, kisses Harry and circles the boy’s whole until Harry starts pressing his ass into Louis’ face. Jesus, this is Louis’ best day. He doesn’t want to tease Harry a lot, he understands. Louis slowly tries to poke his tongue into Harry and tries to move it a bit before he eats his ass again.  
He takes the bottle of lube and squirts a huge amount onto Harry’s whole and his own finger. Louis gently lets his finger move up and down Harry’s rim before he tries to push it in a little bit. Harry is tight, and Louis knows that he has to be gentle. Louis pushes his finger in again and lets Harry adjust to the feeling. “Does that hurt?” he asks but Harry shakes his head. “Okay,” Louis smiles and moves up to give Harry another kiss. “You’re doing so well . . . but tell me if it hurts, okay?” Harry nods and wraps his arms around Louis’ neck to kiss him again before he continues. Louis pushes one finger in again but this time he tries to move it a bit. He let’s Harry adjust again and moves it a bit.

“Does that hurt?” Louis asks while he moves one finger in and out slowly.

“Can you try two fingers?” Harry asks. “It really feels good now.”

“As you wish,” Louis smiles. He squirts more lube onto his finger and tries to open Harry slowly with two fingers. It takes some time until it feels good for Harry but Louis doesn’t mind. He really wants to make him feel good and it could take hours, Louis would wait.

Louis pumps his fingers in and out of Harry’s hole slowly at first. Meanwhile, Harry has closed his eyes and grips the bedsheets from time to time so Louis just continues pumping. From time to time he spits onto Harry’s hole, licks and sucks his rim so that the boy whimpers slightly.

After a while, Louis tries to slide in one more finger to get Harry close to the feeling of having his dick up his ass. Louis uses his other hand to play with the boy’s length so that the he pushes his hips up, wanting more. Louis has already learned what Harry loves and he enjoys watching him getting even more aroused. After some time, Harry’s well adjusted so Louis decides to give him the second lesson. He uses only two fingers again but pumps them faster and faster until Harry let’s out a loud scream.

“Louis, what’s that? Oh my god . . . do it again, please, do it again!” he begs, almost yelling. His hair is messy, his cheeks are flushed and his eyes are so wide that Louis can’t resist. He brushes over Harry’s spot again, not hitting it all the time so that Harry is a panting mess. There is nothing Louis wants more than to fill Harry’s beautiful ass with his cum, he wants to fuck Harry as if there’s no tomorrow and he’s just about to explode just by watching the boy whimpering and grabbing the sheets. “Fuck!” he yells as Louis brushes over his prostate again.

“That feels good, doesn’t it?” Louis smirks and takes the boy into his mouth again. He quickly pulls away what leaves Harry desperate. He touches his penis but Louis reacts and holds his wrist in his hands. “No touching, Harry. Turn around and open that pretty mouth of yours,” Louis demands and Harry does it. Louis lets his length slide into Harry’s pretty mouth gently and the boy immediately starts sucking and licking it. Louis can barely steady himself because it feels too good and that look is just too hot. “Suck it harder baby, come on!” Louis says and Harry obeys. Louis just can’t resist and fucks Harry’s mouth a few times what makes the boy gag again. Harry’s splutering is so hot that he could scream. “It feels so good to fuck that pretty mouth of yours, fuck!” Louis moans and closes his eyes to intensify the feeling. This is the best mouthfuck he’s ever gotten.

Louis pulls his penis out of Harry’s mouth before he can’t hold it anymore. He gives Harry a sloppy kiss and moves away from Harry’s face again. “Now turn around and put your ass up!” he demands and Harry obeys. “You will come untouched today,” Louis tells Harry as he spanks his ass gently. “Ass up, Harry!” he demands again. “You look so fucking hot,” Louis whispers as he wanks himself a few times before he opens the foil packet and rolls the condom onto his hard length.

He grabs Harry’s waist and squirts more lube onto Harry’s hole and the condom. Then he gently teases Harry’s whole with his tip before he enters Harry’s whole a little bit. “Does that hurt?” he asks while he’s waiting for Harry to adjust.

“Not yet, I mean . . . but I’m afraid that it will,” Harry says with a low voice. He’s clearly aroused and horny as fuck, yet he seems a bit scared.

“Okay, I’ll be gentle,” he says softly. “Try to relax.”

Louis squirts more lube onto his length and slowly pushes forward. It doesn’t take long until he’s in and tries to move in a steady, slow rhythm. Harry’s breathing increases soon and he’s holding onto the metal bars of Louis’ bed to steady himself. “You feel so good baby, so good,” Louis breathes as he starts to thrust a bit faster into Harry. Harry’s breath is heavy and he’s not complaining so Louis grabs Harry’s hips with both hands, squeezes them tight as he thrusts deeper into him, fucking him harder and harder. Harry’s knuckles are already white and the bed moves too as Harry yells out again.

“Fuck, Louis! Fuck! Fuck!”

Louis knows he has touched the spot again. The pressure in his stomach grows too and he tries not to hit Harry’s spot all the time to tease him again and let him get the best orgasm he has ever had. As their breathing get faster and Louis is barely able to speak, he thrusts faster and harder into Harry so that he hits his prostate with nearly every thrust. Harry whimpers and begs Louis to let him come and when it happens, Harry lets out a load moan. He struggles with holding onto the metal bars but Louis doesn’t let go of him. He gives him a few, final thrusts before he reaches his own orgasm too, then he pulls out of Harry to get rid of the condom.

Harry’s breathing fast, his chest rises and falls quickly as he turns to Louis and nuzzles close to him. “Fuck . . . I . . . I didn’t know that this was possible . . .” he whispers and wraps an arm around Louis. Louis kisses his forehead and plays with his curls. “It’s amazing, isn’t it,” he smiles and caresses Harry’s cheek gently.

“Thank you,” Harry breathes as he’s closing his eyes.

“Thank YOU,” Louis answers.

Harry looks up. “What did you just say?” he asks.

“Nothing,” Louis lies and chuckles. “You heard it.”

Harry pokes Louis’ cheek with a smile. “You said thank you for the first time.”

Louis giggles. “Don’t get used to it, baby boy,” he says playfully and pulls the covers of his bed over their sweaty bodies. Harry just mumbles something and closes his eyes. Louis wraps his arms around Harry, kisses his temple gently and nearly falls asleep too while he’s listening to Harry’s steady breathing.


	6. Chapter 6

“Harry! Harry!” Louis shakes the sleeping boy’s shoulders. “Harry, wake up!” Harry opens his eyes a little bit. “You have to leave. My ex will be here in a few minutes!”

Harry props himself up and rubs his eyes. “What? Louis . . . why . . . I thought we would . . .” he stammers but Louis doesn’t let him talk.

“You have to leave,” he demands and throws Harry’s clothes onto the bed. “Get dressed now, you have ten minutes,” he says before he leaves the room.

When Harry walks out of the bedroom, Louis is talking on the phone. It’s clear that Harry wants to talk to him but he just points at the front door without looking at him. “Yeah, okay, that’s fine,” Louis says, fixing his fringe and laughs. “You know that I always got condoms here, Adrian. No need to buy more.” As Louis looks up, Harry is still standing in front of the bedroom door, staring at Louis. “Oh . . . and could you bring some lube? I ran out of it . . . yeah, yeah okay,” Louis says, looking at Harry. “Hurry up, bye.”

“Louis, I . . .” Harry speaks up a bit but Louis holds a hand up in the air.

“Harry. I’ve already told you it’s time for you to leave and I don’t want to tell you again.”

“But I . . .” Harry tries again but Louis just shakes his head.

“I don’t want to talk now,” Louis says. His voice is emotionless, cold. Louis knows he’s being rude but it is as it is. His ex will be here in a few minutes and he doesn’t want him to see Harry in his apartment. Louis broke up with Asrian but he never declines sex so . . . why not. And he came up with the idea so . . . It’s not that Louis hates him, he likes him but he doesn’t want a relationship with Adrian. Harry has left the apartment when Louis makes the bed and takes a shower.

After showering, Louis notices that he has five missed calls from Harry and more than ten unread messages. Louis groans as he opens his messanger. “We’re not in a relationship so calm the fuck down!” he sents.

“Can I talk to you, please?” Harry replies immediately.

“You probably won’t stop asking me. Tomorrow. Come to my place after you have finished work.” Louis is afraid. He’s afraid of his feelings he has developped toward Harry and he’s not sure how to handle them. Keeping Harry as far as possible would be the best thing, that’s what Louis thinks. He doesn’t want to get hurt, he doesn’t want to get drawn into this circle of love and hate. But if he doesn’t talk to Harry, he’ll never stop asking so he has to meet him tomorrow.

*

“Hi,” Harry says timidly as he stands in front of Louis’ door.

Louis just nods and lets him in. He has said to himself that he won’t let him come that close anymore. If this gets too deep, he won’t be able to handle it so . . . The boy walks straight to the sofa and sits down. “Why are you so cold, Louis?” he asks quietly.

Louis shakes his head. “I’m not cold. I’m normal.” He pauses. “That’s who I am.”

“You were different yesterday,” Harry says barely audible. He’s apparently close to tears. “I feel so sad and most of all . . . I feel used.”

“I didn’t use you.”

“But it feels like it,” Harry insists. He looks into Louis’ eyes and tears are running down his face. “I miss you, Louis,” he bursts out and covers his face with his hands as he starts sobbing heavily.

“Don’t be silly. You can’t miss me, we barely know each other,” Louis replies coolly. “Maybe it was a mistake.”

Louis words make Harry cry even harder. He looks up with teary, blodshoot eyes. They’re red from crying and his cheeks are stained with tears. “Why?” Harry cries.

“Just because. Why are you so upset?”

“Isn’t this obvious?”

Louis frowns. “What’s obvious? We had sex and it was fun.”

 “I don’t know how to tell you . . .” Harry sobs. “Louis, I . . . I think I’m in love with you and I thought maybe you . . . would feel the same?”

“You can’t be serious,” Louis says disparagingly and shakes his head. “Just because we fucked you think I’m in love with you? How childish is that?”

Harry looks at him with red, puffy eyes. “I thought it was special for you and it meant something to you too,” he cries.

“It was just sex Harry! It meant nothing to me!” Louis yells at the crying boy.

“I’m . . . I’m disgusted!” Harry yells. “I would have never done that if I knew that you would treat me like this afterward! It was my first time . . .” he can’t speak anymore because his voice breaks. “I trusted you!” he yells. His whole body is shaking.

“I didn’t force you to have sex with me, did I?” Louis replies harshly. “You wanted it too! I didn’t promise you anything, Harry, anything!”

“You didn’t but . . . you were so nice to me, gentle even and look at you now! I just told you that I’m in love with you and you’re yelling at me as if I was your enemy! You’re such an asshole Louis, such a mean, unfair person! I hate you!” Harry yells and gets up. Tears are still running down his cheeks as he walks over to the older boy. “I thought we were friends but obviously you’re not a friend, Louis. I should be angry at myself that I was taken in by you.” Then he walks out of Louis’ apartment.

“Fuck!” Louis yells and bangs his fist against the door. He takes a small box out of a drawer, sits down at the table and makes himself a joint to get distracted from reality.

*

Weeks pass without one word from Harry. If Louis is honest to himself, he misses him. He misses his laugh, he misses his touch, he misses they way he talks, he just misses being with him - but he’d never admit that to any of his friends. It’s even hard for him to admit it to himself. Since they’ve had sex, Louis hasn’t felt such a special feeling again. It was different with Harry, different from anything he has ever experienced until that day. That fact gives him a headache on a regular basis. As usualy, Louis goes out a lot, he has sex with girls and men, he loves partying and isn’t shy at all but since then, something has changed. Louis can’t quite put a finger on it but he feels it and this feeling drives him crazy. Whenever Louis thinks of Harry he tries to distract himself because he doesn’t want to accept how he really feels. What the hell has happened to him? But as Harry obviously doesn’t want to get in touch with Louis, he doesn’t call him either. He usually isn’t the type who gives in easily so he has to cope with it. Harry is probably still pissed because of their fight a few weeks ago, so what. Louis distracts himself with partying, smoking and more sex but it never feels as good as it felt with Harry. It never does.

*

It’s a coincidence when Louis meets Harry in the streets of London a few days before Christmas. “Harry?” he asks surprised as he spots the boy next to him.

Harry gives Louis a strange look. “What?” he asks annoyed.

“What’s up?” Louis tries to start a conversation but Harry isn’t having it. He’s probably still pissed and it has been nearly a month.

“Why would you like to know that,” Harry snaps. He starts walking as the traffic lights switch to green. Louis tries walks next to him.

“Because we’re . . . sort of friends?” he answers, taking a drag of his cigarette.

“Friends?” Harry lets out a fake laugh and stops walking. “You don’t even know how to write this word, let alone how to be one.” He adjusts his beanie and puts his hands into the pockets of his coat.

Louis looks at him. He has never noticed his beautiful eyelashes. “That’s not true.”

“It IS true,” Harry snaps angrily, showing an explicit sign with his hands. “Oh wait, I remember. You’ve probably had so many sex partners since then that you don’t remember. It’s my fault.” Harry starts walking again but Louis grabs his arm to stop him.

Harry pulls his arm away roughly. “Would you stop touching me without my consent?” He glares at Harry. Louis has never seen him this angry and . . . cold.

“It’s not true that I don’t remember it, Harry. I do remember . . . and . . . I . . . I liked it,” Louis admits.

Harry gives him a fake smile. “Good try Louis but I’m not falling for it again. I’ve had enough of you and your lies! I’ve sufferd enough because of you.”

“Harry I – I’m sorry,” Louis says.

“Oh come on, don’t put on a show,” Harry remarks.

“I mean it.”

“Fine, okay. Can I leave now?” Harry asks, not even giving Louis a fake smile anymore.

Louis nods. “Wait a minute. I mean . . . what do you think about attending that NYE party at your college together? Let’s just forget about what happened.”

Harry frowns and shakes his head in refusal. “Are you kidding me? You used me, you hurt my feelings, you behaved like a jerk and now you want me to spend NYE with you? No way! You you can’t fool me again, Louis. I’m not a consolation prize and I’ll never be yours!“

Louis doesn’t respond.

“I’ll go there with Dan,” Harry tells Louis.

“You don’t even like him.”

“You have no idea. I like him more than you like me.”

“I do like you, kind of.”

“See? Kind of. What’s that even?” Harry sighs. “Please leave me alone now.” Harry says and leaves without turning around again. Louis slowly begins to understand what Harry meant when he was talking about “hurt feelings”. And Louis has to admit that nothing has ever been so painful than this rejection and nobody has ever affected him so much.

As Louis is waiting for the tube, he spots a film poster on the other side of the platform. “You can’t protect yourself from your own feelings by hurting the one you love.” If that isn’t about him and Harry, Louis doesn’t know what it is.


	7. Chapter 7

Harry’s rejection slowly changes something inside of Louis. He tries to play the cool in front of family and friends, but it’s quite challenging and not as easy as he thought it would be. There’s no way he’ll call Harry, no way. Louis isn’t the type of person who tells people how he feels inside. He doesn’t talk things out but this time it’s different, too different. Louis has no idea how to cope with this unknown feeling so he tries to act as he’s used to. He goes out a lot again, smokes even more and messes around with people but no matter what and how often he does it – nothing really helps him to numb the burning feeling his heart. A few weeks ago, Louis had thought such feelings were bullshit but now he knows how painful they really are. They are there, they are present and they just don’t go away, no matter how much he smokes or how much he tries to numb his pain with sex.

The boy decides to spend the last day of the year at home. He stays in bed until noon, gets up, smokes again and watches stupid shows on TV. Some days ago his friends asked him if he wanted to go to the college party with them but Louis declined. He still doesn’t feel like partying really.

As the day is passing, Louis slowly seems to realize that he really misses Harry like he has never missed anyone before and that’s the reason why he refuses to go out on NYE. He sits in his kitchen and scrolls through his messages. Harry hasn’t sent him anything since the incident so he reads the old messages over and over again. There’s only one picture of Harry he has stored in his phone and he has never looked at it they way he’s looking at it now. What a pretty boy Harry is. His hair plays softly around his face, his dimples soften his male features and make him look much younger than he really is. His eyes have the brightest green Louis has ever seen and he nearly looks like a model. Louis’ thoughts scare him. What the fuck? He has never called a boy pretty, he has never focused on small features in people’s faces before. His sisters used to do that a lot but he has never done it, neither him, nor any of his male friends. Louis buries the hands into his hair and shakes his head. This is insane, really. But he can’t think of anything but Harry the more time passes. And it’s not only his appearance, it’s him. It’s Harry’s way to make Louis laugh, his voice, his thoughtful remarks whenever they had a discussion, the way his voice sounds when he sings (and Harry is quite a good singer).

The pain in his chest grows every day and the memory of Harry feels like a sting in his heart, a sting that repeats itself over and over again. Louis misses the way he touched him, the way he looked into his eyes. How the kisses felt, how gentle Harry’s lips touched his. Louis even misses his annoying way to say “thank you” and “please” after every other sentence. He’s so fucking nice, so fucking polite to everyone. That thought makes Louis think of the carpool trip and he lets out a small laugh. He hated Harry’s attitude back then because he was so terribly annoying. But Louis doesn’t feel like this about him anymore, that’s what he has realized during the last days. He feels so much more for Harry and he needs to find him, now or never.

“We need to talk,” he texts him before he gets dressed.

“What about asking me if I wanted to?” Harry replies after a long while. “You’re such a jerk, seriously.”

“Okay . . . can we talk?” Louis sends. He stares at his phone until Harry types the next message, which seems like hours.

“Why? To hurt me again?”

 “No. It was never my intention to hurt you,” Louis texts back.

“I’m at the party. If you find me until midnight, we can talk. If you don’t succeed, I never want to hear from you again,” is Harry’s last answer.

Louis sighs. He can’t risk never talking to Harry again so he grabs his phone, keys and a warm jacket and leaves his apartment.

*

Around ten, Louis arrives at the party. It’s terribly cold that day so there aren’t many people outside. The party is in full flood, the rooms are crowded with people and the music is loud.

“Hey Lou!” a girl yells and walks over to Louis. She tries to give him a kiss on his mouth but Louis pushes her away.

“What the fuck?” she yells, trying to get close to Louis again. He just frowns at the girl as she presses her body against his and comes close to Louis’ ear. “Since when are you so prudish?” she yells. She’s obviously drunk. “Last time was so good, Louis, I still remember how your tongue . . .” she says into his ear but Louis interrupts her.

“Fuck off, Lisa. I’m not here for random fucks,” he replies, pushing the girl away.

“Since when have you become a saint?” she slurs, trying to grab Louis’ arm.

“Fuck off,” Louis yells and pushes her away again. She rolls her eyes and flips him off but Louis doesn’t care.

As he pushes through the crowd for some minutes, it nearly seems impossible to find Harry. Louis takes a break, gets himself a coke and gulps it down within minutes as he’s leaning against a wall, observing the crowd. He wants to find Harry so desperatey but this one is a huge party and all rooms are full with people. Louis sinks down on the floor and buries his hands into his hair. He nearly feels like crying. “Fuck!” he yells and hits the wall with his fist what only causes him pain, physical pain. But the pain in his heart hurts even more. Everything seems hopeless and the music, the people, the lights, everything becomes blurry. He definitely needs a break. This is exhausting, too exhausting. He closes his eyes and leans his head against the wall. Suddenly, he feels someone touching his arm.

“Louis?” a sweet voice says. “Is that you?”

Louis looks up and recognizes Julie, a girl he barely knows. Louis remembers that he dumped her after she gave him a blowjob at a party. A friend told Louis that the girl had a crush on him but Louis didn’t care about her. He dismissed her a few times but after she wouldn’t stop chasing him, he just mussed around with her. Louis left before she woke up the last time and he never saw her again. Suddenly Louis feels guilty, terribly guilty.

“What happened? Are you hurt?” she asks worried, still touching Louis’ arm.

Louis shakes his head. “No, I’m fine . . . thank you,” he adds slowly.

“Thank you?” the girl smiles.

“Yeah I . . . I think I want to be a better person or so . . . and I’m sorry for treating you like shit at that party and . . . everything else,” Louis says while he’s getting up, still leaning against the wall.

Although it’s quite dark and there are only coloured lights that illuminate the room, Louis can see that the girl’s cheeks flush. “I . . . I don’t know what to say, well . . . it was also my fault,” she admits. “You didn’t force me to do it.” She looks down.

“Still, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry, Julie.”

“You remember my name?” she asks Louis surprised.

He nods. “I do. I know I can’t take it back but at least you should know that I regret what I did to you.”

Julie presses her lips together and nods. “Okay, I mean . . . we can’t change anything about it so it’s okay.” The girl rubs her face but still smiles at Louis. “So . . . who are you looking for? I know a lot of people here, maybe I can help you?”

Louis realizes how friendly she actually is toward him, although he was such an asshole to her. Her voice is sweet and her look caring. Has he ever been that nice to anyone? Probably not. Louis exhales audibly. “I don’t know if you know him. His name is Harry Styles and he’s in his second year,” Louis sighs. “He’s quite tall, has curly brown hair, green eyes . . . everybody’s darling, I suppose. Always apologizes for everything,” he adds what makes him smile a bit. “Thank you is his favourite word, I think.”

“Oh Harry!” Julie yells out, “I know him! He’s in my science class.”

“Have you seen him here?”

Julie rubs her mouth. “Yeah, I think I saw him. He was standing near the music room, second floor.”

Louis nodded. “Okay then I’ll have a look,” he answsers. “Thank you.”

Julie smiles. “You’re welcome, Louis! Good luck!” Then she turns around and disappears in the crowd.

Suddenly, Louis feels that he’s getting nervous, terribly nervous. What if Harry isn’t there anymore? What if he’s there with others? What should he do then? Louis exhales and leaves the crowded room to walk up the stairs to the second floor.

There are a few people standing there but Louis can’t spot Harry. He walks along the long corridor and suddenly, his heart nearly stops beating. There he is. His back is turned towards Louis but it is him, he knows it. He’s standing there, leaning against the brick wall. He’s talking to a guy and just that makes Louis . . . jealous. Fuck. If Louis could, he would just push that guy away and call him a dick for talking to Harry but that wouldn’t help anyone in here. Louis watches Harry for a while and for one second he thinks of leaving this place. Why should he talk to him, he’s probably still angry or . . . hurt? Suddenly the guy walks away and Harry turns around so that Louis’ and his eyes meet.

Harry just stares at the older boy with an empty look. Louis gulps but pulls himself together as he decides to walk towards him. “I . . . I found you,” Louis says quietly.

“Obviously,” Harry answers, pushing his hair back.

“Uhm . . . can we talk?”

“Okay,” Harry says flatly.

“No, I mean like . . . somewhere where we can be pivate,” Louis nearly whispers.

Harry frowns. “I’m not planning to sleep with you, Louis.” His tone is bitter.

“I’m not here to fu . . . I’m not here to sleep with you,” Louis corrects himself. “Or anybody else. I’m just here to talk to you.”

Harry rolls his eyes and exhales audible. “Fine,” he huffs and gives Louis a sign to follow him. Harry leads Louis to a cosy room that seems to be a club room. He locks the door, switches on a small lamp that’s sitting on a sideboard and sits down on one of the old sofas in the back of the room. Louis feels insecure, nearly intimidated by Harry - which is new for him also. He fidgetes with his hands, ruffles his hair and rubs his face before he sits down at the other side of sofa. He can’t remember one situation where he had been that nervous in his life, it’s terrible.

“I . . . I’m very nervous right now so sorry if I talk shit,” Louis says. What the fuck. He’s never been that honest to anyone about his feelings.

Harry just presses his lips together and doesn’t answer.

“When I met you the first time . . . you were so annoying, seriously,” Louis shakes his head. “I wanted to get rid of you as soon as possible and I think you thought the same about me,” he says and exhales loudly. “I never told you but I enjoyed our first small dinner near that memorial very much and I thought we could build something like a friendship.”

“Louis, I know how we met,” Harry interrupts him. “If you’re only here to tell me that . . .”

Louis shakes his head. “No, no, it’s not that. Just hear me out, okay?”

“Okay,” Harry sighs annoyed and takes off his coat. He wears a light-coloured knitted jumper that suits him perfectly and makes him look so soft.

“When I look back, I can say that I’ve never had a friend like you.”

Harry frowns. “I don’t know about your view on friendships but usually friends give something back, they spread love and don’t use each other for sex and they just don’t disappear afterwards, on top of everything.”

“I know,” Louis gives in and gets rid of his jacket. “I’m a jerk. You’re right, I really am but you should know that . . .” Louis pauses and sighs audibly. “You’ve changed me, in a way.”

Harry shakes his head, shrugs his shoulders and frowns. “What are you talking about?”

“Harry . . . I . . . when we fucked, I mean when we . . . when we slept together, it was . . . it honestly was the most emotional, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced. It also was so different to kiss you.” Louis looks down. “It meant so much to me.”

“Are you kidding me?” Harry says frowning. “Is that one of your nasty games? Have you lost a bet or what happened to you? You’re mental ill, Louis! You kicked me out after you “fucked me”, as you’d say, you were mean to me, you used me just because you wanted to and on top of this, you ignored me for weeks! Is that what you call a friendship?” he yells.  “I asked you to talk to me because I was sad and I thought you would understand but instead you kept ignoring and hurting me! I sat there on your sofa, telling you that I was in love with you and all you did was to hurt me even more! You just don’t care about people Louis, you didn’t care about me for a damn second!” Harry’s face is red of anger and Louis just stands there, looking at the floor. “Don’t tell me that you felt something for me Louis, don’t lie to me! And please don’t tell me that you liked anything we did!”

Louis feels his eyes water. He can’t cry now, not here in front of Harry so he tries to hold his tears back.  “I . . . I’m sorry,” he says, not looking up.

Harry lets out a fake laugh. “Sure. You’re such an asshole, incredible how people still fall for you,” Harry yells. He gets up, grabs his coat and glares at Louis. “You’re disgusting, really,” he mumbles and shakes his head as he’s walking toward the door.

No. This can’t be it, no, no, no. It takes Louis a few steps to get close to Harry. He grabs the younger boy’s arm but he jerks it away forcefully. “I’ve already told you not to touch me!” Harry shouts angrily, glaring at Louis again.

“I love you!” Louis suddenly blurts out.

“You’re so cruel,” Harry answers quietly. His look isn’t filled with anger anymore. It’s sadness, clearly sadness. And suddenly Louis realizes how hurt Harry must be. How shitty he behaved toward him. Harry is standing there like a picture of misery. He bows his head, runs his fingers through his curls and exhales loudly. “Stop playing with my emotions, just stop.”

“No Harry, I mean it. I love you,” Louis says as serious as his state allows him. “It was never my intention to hurt you, I was just . . . I just didn’t know what to do when I realized that I really liked you. I think . . . I think I treated you like shit to protect me from . . . you know, from feeling something for you, I tried to push you away from me just because of that and I know I was a dickhead and I . . . I just didn’t know what to do!“ Louis is at the verge of tears. His voice gets low at the end and he’s looking away from Harry because he can feel the tears pouring out of his eyes. He’s trying not to cry but he’s overwhelmed by his words, by his feelings, by the burning in his heart. “I don’t know what to say to take everything back, I don’t know what to do but . . . I . . . I want you to know that I . . . I . . . you know, I can’t be without you. You were on my mind every day and night for days! I could barely sleep, I tried to distract myself but you were on my mind! And seriously, I didn’t even know that I could feel that kind of pain, I wasn’t even aware that kind of pain existed - but it’s a terrible feeling and if that’s the same feeling you . . . you felt when you told me you’re in love with me and I laughed at you . . . then I’m sorry, I’m so incredibly sorry for treating you like shit! You’re one of the nicest, sweetest and . . . most beautiful people I’ve ever met! It was hard for me to understand, it was hard for me to accept it but all I want to tell you is that I love you, I love you, Harry, I love you and there’s nothing I want more than to be . . . to be your . . . boy . . . boyfriend! I mean it, I’m death serious about this!”

Louis’ voice is thick with tears as he takes Harry’s hand in his and sinks down to his knees. He’s sobbing as he wipes his tears away. “I’m sorry for everything,” Louis cries. He had tried to contain himself but he can’t do anything about it. “I know it’s hard to believe me, I know that but you just have to. I love you, Harry, I love you so much!” Louis bows his head and leans it against Harry’s hand as his body is shaking from crying. “Please Harry, please forgive me,” he whispers as the tears continue running down his cheeks.

He doesn’t dare to look up. He’s too afraid that Harry will turn away and leave and that’s something he couldn’t deal with. “Hey Lou,” Harry says softly and tilts his chin up. He looks him in the eyes but stays quiet. It seems like time’s endless before he presses his lips together and wipes Louis’ cheeks with his thumb. Louis looks at him but everything is blurry because of the tears. The boy gets up and wipes his face again. “Please Harry, please believe me that you’re not a game or a bet to me, not at all. I really mean it, I do. You’re just . . . someone I dearly love and I miss you so much. . .” Louis stops talking because he’s overwhelmed by his feelings again and his voice breaks. He sobs like a child as Harry pulls him into a hug.

Louis wraps his arms around the taller boy too and cries into his chest. Being held by Harry feels so good, so incredibly good. It’s the best feeling he’s ever felt: better than the sun, better than sex, better than anything. Louis can smell Harry’s perfume and he can feel the beating of his heart beneath his ear and he immediately understands what Harry meant when he told him that the heartbeat of people calmed him every time.

Harry doesn’t talk at all. The boys stay like this for a long time until Harry loosens his grip and takes Louis hand in his. He leads the younger boy back to the sofa and sits down again. Louis just looks him in the eyes for a second and Harry automatically signs him to come closer and Louis does so. He nuzzles closer to him and curls up next to Harry. “I missed you so much,” Louis sobs quietly and starts crying again. He looks up and directly into Harry’s green eyes. He’s never seen such green eyes before. They are so beautiful and his look is so fucking gentle that he could cry if he wasn’t crying already. “Please believe me, Harry. Please,” Louis whispers and rubs his eyes.

Harry looks at the crying boy, pushes a strand of Louis’ hair back and kisses his forehead so gently, that that gesture alone makes Louis cry even more. The boy just looks into Louis’ eyes without saying anything. He lets his gaze wander over Louis’ face as he gently caresses the boy’s wet cheek and runs his fingers through Louis’ hair. “Don’t cry, Lou,” he whispers before he places another kiss onto his forehead.

Harry and Louis stay like this for a while until the older boy gets up and sits down next to Harry. When their eyes meet, Louis takes Harry’s hand, leans forward slowly and gives Harry a gentle kiss on his lips. As he wants to pull back, Harry runs his fingers through Louis hair and places his hand on the back of his neck. He pulls Louis closer and leans in for another kiss. Louis kisses Harry back and straddles his lap. They don’t break the kiss as Louis touches Harry’s face and pulls him closer again before he runs his hands through his dense curls.

“I’ve never experienced something so beautiful,” he says barely audible as he looks deep into Harry’s eyes. “You’re so beautiful, Harry. So fucking beautiful.” He can’t take his eyes of Harry’s face, his lips, his eyes, his everything. Louis touches Harry’s lips with his index finger and presses his lips together. That boy is so unique and his kisses are still burnin on Louis’ mouth.

Louis gulps and runs his finger across Harry’s cheek slowly. “I would have never thought I’d say that but . . . I wish I could be your . . . b . . . boy . . . boyfriend,” he says slowly. The last part is the hardest but that’s what he really feels. He wants to be with Harry, just with him. “I promise that I will do my best to become a better person for you because . . . because I need you,” Louis says and looks into Harry’s green eyes. “I need you,” he whispers.

Harry doesn’t respond right away.  He just looks at Louis but then he runs his fingers along the boy’s cheek, gives him a cute kiss and caresses his cheek again. Louis can’t stand the silence, he just can’t. “Say something, anything,” he begs.

Harry gives him a small smile. The look in his eyes makes Louis weak, it’s so incredibly soft and lovely. “I want to be your boyfriend, Lou,” Harry says quietly. “More than anything,” he admits. “You’re really hot, Louis Tomlinson,” he adds with a giggle. “Those cheekbones . . .” he smiles and runs his finger along Louis’ facial features.

“And you’re a beatiful bitch, Harold,” Louis answers with a smirk and starts kissing the boy again until Harry pulls away.

“Harold?” he frowns and raises one eyebrow what makes Louis smirk.

“You’re an asshole,” Harry says and smiles.

“I’m your asshole,” Louis replies and looks deep into Harry’s eyes before he leans in for one of the most beautiful kisses he has ever gotten. Harry’s mouth is warm and tender, his tongue is automatically moving with Louis and it just feels right. It’s more than a kiss, it’s hot, it’s sexy, it’s heavenly, awesome.

After a while, the boys are cuddled up on the sofa. It feels so good holding Harry close and being able to feel the warmth of his body. What Louis feels is intense, wonderful and absolutely amazing. The boy has his arms wrapped around Harry as he spoons him from behind, pressing his body as close to the boy as he can. He gently pushes Harry’s curls away, then presses a small kiss onto the soft skin of Harry’s neck.

“Harry?” Louis asks quietly.

“Hm?”

“I think I . . . I want to stop smoking,” he says.

Harry turns around to face him. “Why?”

“Because of you,” he answers.

Harry turns around and looks Louis in the eyes. This look! These green eyes! Louis can’t stop looking at Harry. How can someone be so beautiful? “Really?” the younger boy askes surprised, a sweet smile appearing in his face.

Louis nods. “I . . . I think you’re worth trying to stop.”

Harry gives Louis a cute kiss onto his eyelid. “I’d love that, Lou,” he says.

“I wouldn’t smell bad anymore,” Louis replies.

Harry sighs. “That’s a good point but the most important thing would probably be that . . . That I wouldn’t have to worry about you all the time,” he says. “I don’t want you to get ill.”

Louis smiles and gives Harry a cute kiss onto his mouth. He presses his lips together and adjusts his position so that Harry can put his head onto Louis’ chest. What a wild feeling that is. And it gets better when Harry wraps his hands around the boy’s waist. Louis runs his fingers through Harry’s hair slowly.

“This feels so good,” Harry tells Louis and lets out a small sigh.

Louis kisses his hair. “You know, when I met Matt and he told me about you . . . he also sayed that he wanted to quit smoking for you and when I asked him why he said that . . . that you were worth it. I laughed at him and called him names but he was right. You’re really worth it, Harry. You’re sweet, caring, beautiful . . . you definitely are worth it and I want to believe that I can become a better person for you.” Louis takes a deep breath and exhales.

“Thank you for everything.”

 “I love you, asshole,” the boy smirks and bites his lip.

“Shut up,” Louis fires back and pulls Harry closer to his chest. “Or I will never say thank you again.”

Harry giggles. “I promise that I will never call you an asshole again.”

“And I promise that I will never give you a reason for calling me that again . . . baby,” Louis smiles and gives Harry another kiss. “I love you.”

Outside, they start the countdown and some fireworks are already blowing up. “Happy New Year to my boyfriend,” he smiles and gives Louis a cute kiss.

“Happy New Year, baby,” Louis says and wraps his arms tighter around Harry. “I will never let you go, I promise.”

“It sounds sexy when you call me baby,” Harry smiles and kisses Louis’ neck while he nuzzles closer to him and inhales his scent. “What happened to Harold?” Harry asks with a smile and pokes Louis’ cheek.

“I thought you hated that name?” Louis frowns.

Harry shakes his head so that his curls tickle Louis’ chin. “I actually like it when you call me that,” he admits.

“Well then . . . I love you, Harold,” Louis chuckles and wraps his arms tighter around Harry’s body, placing a cute kiss onto the boy’s hair. Harry just sighs happily and takes Louis hand in his.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” he asks and looks up.

Louis nods. “I’d love that.”

“But please, don’t make me leave in the middle of the night, okay?”

“Pinky promise,” Louis smiles and kisses Harry’s temple. He tilts Harry’s head up a bit more. “I will never make you leave again,” he says in a whisper. He looks deep into Harry’s eyes before they lose themselves in a long, emotional kiss.

*

When they’re at Louis’, they imediately go to bed. It’s strange but all Louis wants is to hold Harry in his arms and to feel his warmth on his body. It’s the best feeling ever and he can’t get enough of it.

“Can you hold me until I fall asleep?” Harry asks Louis with a sleepy voice. He looks so fucking cute, so fucking fucking cute.

“I would love to, baby,” he answers and wraps his arms closer around his boyfriend. His boyfriend. Harry is his boyfriend now. “You have no idea how happy I am,” he whispers.

Harry just kisses Louis’ neck as an answer and closes his eyes. It doesn’t take long until he’s nearly asleep. “Don’t make me leave, Lou,” Harry says barely audible, “Please don’t make me leave,”

Louis kisses Harry’s cheek softly and caresses his back with his hand. “I won’t,” he whispers into Harry’s ear and sighs before he closes his eyes too. “I will never leave you, I promise. Never.”

 


End file.
